Tumbleweed, Cynthia, Mister Mistoffolees


Italian and Irish in background and temper, Cynthia was born long after I was but grew up in the same town southwest of Chicago. Nearer in age to my brother than to me, she was part of his pack of friends. She swears I met her when she was 15, but it's just as well that I didn't notice her until she was a little older.

Although she considered a journalism career, she wound up in finance. She learned her fearlessness and much of her vocabulary on the floor of the Chicago Board Options Exchange. (She took me down to the CBOE floor once — just once. It's hard to describe. Imagine the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Got it? Okay. Now imagine that it's indoors. And everybody's on fire.) She worked for several brokerage houses in New York and Florida, and now is a registered sales assistant at Raymond James and Associates' home office.

It is generally agreed among those who know both of us that she is much too good for me.

You can send fan mail to Cynthia at her personal e-mail address.

A few of her favorite things

Here's some things you'll find taking up precious space in our household:

  • Barbie Dolls. Cynthia owns a bunch, including every Holiday Barbie, a collection that is worth about five times what she paid for it. Don't ask me why. She briefly collected Beanie Babies, cheap stuffed animals cunningly marketed, but her devotion to Barbie remains.

  • Rubber Stamps. Well, this collection is worth about a fifth of what she paid for it. At least rubber stamps take up less room than the Barbies (after I built about 400 linear feet of miniature wall shelves for them). Finding them is another matter.

  • Music CDs. She has more Elton John CDs than David Furnish does, more Christmas CDs than Santa Claus. I'm responsible mainly for the CDs in our collection by people you've never heard of. (However, I'm more blameworthy — and Cynthia less — for our vinyl LP collection.)

  • Cats. Once lord and master of my domain, my status plunged dramatically when slim Tumbleweed and globular Mister Mistoffolees moved in. We have since lost them both to time; the current recipients of Cynthia's affections are Jazz and Rikki.

2 June 1991
17 December 2016

Copyright 2019 Bruce Kula